{ you're not alone }

Today's post on having faith in yourself as a parent, is from Kimberly at Monkey Tales & Mama Thoughts.

She has an absolutely sweet little boy, dubbed "Monkey." And dang that kid can climb.


The best part? 


We're friends. 


Not just on Twitter and Facebook, but real-live, I've been to her house, she's been to mine, kids play together type friends.


She's an amazing person. And an amazing mother.


I consider myself lucky to have her as my friend. I also love what she wants to share with you today:

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This parenting thing is scary.

We picture all of the bad things that can happen.  They can quit breathing.  They can get sick.  They can flunk out of school, become addicted to drugs, a sociopath, a murderer, a Seminole fan.  Or just end up on a therapist's couch someday talking about the fact that they can't have a healthy relationship because their mother coslept/put them in a crib/breastfed/bottlefed/was too distant/was too attached/whatever.

To deal with it we read parenting manuals and judge each other.  We have "Mommy Wars" and twitter fights.

And we lay awake nights wondering if we're screwing up.

Or at least I do.  (I'm not alone, am I?  Am I???)

I have a general philosophy I pretty much live my life by.  That philosophy is:

You do what works for you and your family.  I'll do what works for me and mine.  We're different, our kids are different, our circumstances are different. 

While I 100% believe that "breast is best" if it makes you miserable and your child is screaming, well, that's not good for anyone.

Likewise, I took antidepressants during my pregnancy.  The chemicals weren't ideal for my baby.  Having a mother who couldn't get out of bed except to binge eat would be even worse.

So we make trade offs.  We do what works.  And we love them.

Maybe I'm not the mom I thought I'd be.  My parenting philosophy changed more than I expected.  My basic personality (lazy) changed less.  But I'm doing the best I can to do the best I can.  And I love my son with every fiber of my being.  

And that, I think, is the most important thing of all.

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{ the proof is in the sweet potato pancakes }

Today's post comes to you from the lovely and hilarious Joanna of Raising Madison.

Not only has Joanna faced all the "regular" challenges of motherhood, she was thrown an extra curve ball upon having her squee-ably cute daughter, Madison, diagnosed with Developmental Displaysia of the Hips at the tender age of two months.  

Joanna's mothering experience quickly expanded to include a pavlik harness, months in a spica cast, and surgery.


They don't talk about this stuff in the What To Expect series of books.


Through it all, Joanna (and Madison) have overcome, and today, Joanna has enough faith in herself, as a mother, to know that she is doing an awesome job.

Special thanks to Joanna for sharing this piece of herself with us. I consider it a privilege that she has provided this guest post for me.


Leave her some comment love and be sure to check out her full story at Raising Madison.

(Warning: there is a photo of Madison at the end of this post that will bring you to your knees with the level of cute. Make sure you have something to break your fall.)

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In the beginning I did not have faith in my parenting. 

There, I’ve said it.

I mean, I guess I knew that I was capable of keeping her alive but I had absolutely zero confidence in the decisions I made as a mother. 

I remember the night when she was about 5 days old and wouldn’t stop crying. It was 2:00 a.m. and I couldn’t get her to latch. I assumed she was hungry by her blood curdling screams and our inability to console her. I didn’t know what to do and finally at 2 a.m. in a haze of sleep deprivation and tears (both hers & mine) I ripped open the box for the Medela pump rinsed out the parts (I did not even think to sterilize), hooked myself up and desperately tried to get some milk. We fed her the 2 oz. I got from pumping straight out of the Medela bottle and she was happy.

It took me a long time to get over the thought that my moment of desperation and my quickness to give her that bottle of pumped milk is what set the stage for 4.5 months of struggling to breast feed. 

But this isn’t a post about breastfeeding, this is a post about having faith in your ability to make the right decisions for your child. At that moment, although I didn’t see it at the time, I was a good mom. She was hungry and for whatever reason we could not get her to latch. But we did get her food and she did fall asleep.

Over the next few months there were many of those moments. I obsessed over how I got my child to sleep. You see, Madison slept in her carseat for the first 2.5 months of her life. It started off as innocent 3 a.m. drives and just bringing the carseat in once she fell asleep. Then we found out she had some pretty wicked reflux and she was so much more comfortable sleeping at the angle of the carseat. 

We finally had to give up the carseat because of her pavlik harness and at that point, she spent the next 2 months sleeping in her swing. I was constantly obsessed with how I was probably screwing my daughter up. All of these people had kids that would nap and sleep in their crib and mine wasn’t. I worried that she’d never sleep in that beautiful & expensive crib that we HAD to have. I worried that I missed my opportunity to “teach” her how to sleep the right way.

And guess what? That child that I was SO worried about?  Well, she slept through the night starting at 6 weeks. So yeah, criticize all you want that my child slept in her carseat because while you were up all night, mine was sleeping for at least 10 hours per night. 

And now, she goes down in her crib wide awake and falls asleep…. for naps and at bedtime. 

I say this not to throw anything in your face, but simply to illustrate that there are so many ways to do this parenting gig and I hate that there is so much pressure on us to conform to the “right way.” 

In the battle of newborn vs. new parents, the newborn wins almost every time. Just when you think that tiny little baby could not possibly cry any more, they surprise you with another hour of shrieking screams. It is survival mode and parenting is an instinct. Sure, are there people out there that lack that parental instinct? Yes, there are lots of them. But for the sake of this post, let’s talk about the ones that have it. 

These doubts that we all have don’t stop when our children start sleeping in their crib. In fact, they never end. They continue as we wonder why our child hasn’t rolled over yet when all of the other kids their age are rolling over. They keep going when you wonder why your child isn’t saying as many things as another child. You immediately wonder, what am I doing wrong?

Truthfully… the answer is probably nothing!

I’m here to tell you that I have stopped comparing my child… not because I had some divine experience that led me to blindly trust my parenting…. It is because I HAD to, and I am so thankful for that. Because of Madison’s hips she hasn’t hit most of the developmental milestones that other children her age have. She just rolled over for the first time at almost 9 months. She is finally starting to sit unassisted. She has virtually no strength to put weight on her legs and she won’t be crawling, pulling up or walking for a long time. 

Life for us was different. I couldn’t put her in an excersaucer or Johnny Jump Up. I couldn’t let her sit on the floor and play with toys. I could prop her in the corner of the couch with lots of pillows or I could put her at the chair and table that I made for her. Those were my two choices. 

We couldn’t start swim lessons or even go on trips to aimlessly walk around Target because she didn’t fit into anything. 

And through all of this she has remained a happy and thriving little person. Being forced to watch her be such a little trooper has made me realize that I need to have some faith in the fact that I must be doing SOMETHING right.

So in the end if you were to come over my house you would find that I keep the TV on all day long (and yes, I catch her watching it). You would see that sometimes I am on the computer when she is lying next to me on the floor playing.  Sometimes she doesn’t get all 3 solid meals per day because I’m busy. And sometimes when she does get them, they are not all healthy or organic. You would have seen that we let her “cry it out” at 4 months and we put her down to sleep without a set bedtime routine. 

But you would also see a kid that learns something new every day, one that loves to be tickled and pet the doggies. A headstrong little girl who knows what she wants and knows exactly what she is doing.  She is thriving and I like to take a LOT of the credit for that. 

I am okay with all of these things and everything else about my style of parenting because it works for us. The proof is in the pudding…. or in this case, sweet potato pancakes.

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{ jumping on my soapbox to give you a boost }

We talk a lot about self-esteem. About feeling good about ourselves physically and emotionally. About helping our children feel secure and giving them positive self-esteem.


It's a buzz word (or maybe a buzz-term). It's to inspire confidence in us and boost our self-worth.


But if high self-esteem is so important to dealing with my our spider veins or cellulite-dimpled posteriors or stretch marks, why isn't it pushed more for parents?


I'm not a big fan of the soapbox. It's lonely up here. But today, I'm hopping on my high horse, not to judge or condemn, but in the hopes of rallying spirits and give a lift to those who need some extra validation that they are really phenomenal parents, even if they don't always feel like it.

Here's the thing.


There are approximately 8 trillion experts (real and otherwise) out there who have about 17 bajillion different philosophies, theories, rules and tips of for childrearing. 

Their teachings appear in books, periodicals, blogs, internet articles, television (daytime and prime time), talk radio, cave drawings and crop circles.

They have "solutions" and "advice" for sleeping, for eating, for tantrums, for vaccines, for allergies, for attitude, for anxiety...  You name it, there's an answer.


Oh, and by the way? These "experts? They are doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, teachers, religious leaders, a-list celebrities, d-list celebrities, people who have children, people who don't have children, and possibly some ex-presidential pets (with a ghost writer, of course).


The pressure to keep up is nothing short of crushing.





As new parents, where do we turn? Who do we trust? 


Who's "right"?


And will we completely ruin our children if we do the whole parenting thing "wrong"?


Honestly, it's enough to make a mom or dad want to dig a hole and hide. With a stash of vanilla vodka and brownie batter.

It's completely amazing that we live in a day and age where we have access to such a wealth of information and knowledge. The downside is that we have to sort through the piles of info, discerning good advice from bad, neutral results from skewed (not that anything is ever completely neutral), all the while fitting in these "professional" tidbits in with our own personalities and tendencies.

Oh, and we also have to make sure we are in tune with our children, too.

While some of these expert-created resources are fantastic guides for us, I don't see how we can ever take them as more than that. Rough ideas to lead us to good choices (or away from bad ones in some cases). A bare bones outline for us to flesh out into a full-fledged work of art.

The magnum opus? Our child(ren).  

Sure, our children will be as different as masterpieces by DaVinci, Rodin, Monet or Dali, but none is any less wondrous or precious than another. 


And just like all great artists, we will stumble. We will fall. It's inevitable.

We may start heading down one path, realize it's not the right call for us, and (gasp) change our minds.

And it's ok. All of it. 

People will share their opinions, or they may whisper their judgments, and we may feel weighed down by doubt and criticism.


But as long as we are nourishing our bundles of joy, emotionally, physically and mentally, I really don't see how we can ever fail.


This week, I have asked some amazing bloggers to share their stories of faith in themselves as parents. These posts aren't about hot button issues, but about standing tall while we do the things we feel are best for our children. These parents have come to accept that while not everyone will agree with them and their parenting style, they are acting out of love and the desire to do the right thing for their little ones. They are all intelligent and insightful people who have done their due diligence in choosing courses of action.


This week, I want to celebrate parents. I want to celebrate the choices we make in raising our children. And I want to celebrate holding on to the strength to be secure in those decisions.


I want us to have boundlessly high self-esteem in our roles as mothers and fathers, free of second guessing and guilt and feelings of inadequacy.


I want us to focus our energy on our great works of art.


Our kids.
 
Please visit us all this week to hear some fantastic stories from me and some of my favorite blog buddies.


And remember - don't be shy! I want to hear what makes you a great mom or dad. I want you to share your stories. I want you to be proud of the mom you are.






*My post and my opinions relate to parenting that does not involve abuse or neglect of any kind. In no way do I condone any form of the two and I am not taking those into account when asking parents to have pride in their decisions.

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{ j company onesie giveaway winner! }

Happy Friday!


We have a winner in our J Company onesie giveaway.


Using random.org, we determined the winner to be...

Which would be...

ELLIE!

Ellie, you have 48 hours to contact me via email to redeem your custom onesie. 


Thanks so much!

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{ what a difference a year makes }

Last year, four moms and four boys went to the beach to celebrate the first birthday of little B.

Three hundred sixty five days later, the same four moms and four boys convened in honor of the same event. This time, the birthday boy turned two!

Can you believe how big they've all gotten?

No. I can't either.

And I'm not going to cry about it, either. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

It was a big day.


Turtle consumed about an entire quart of blueberries.

And then enjoyed his very first juice box ever. 

He didn't spill at all.


There was some splashing in the pool.

And a yummy lunch of mac & cheese.

And then it was time to go. As I was changing Turtle's diaper for the car ride home, he doled out the following PSA: "Don't eat poop. Poop is yucky."


Thanks, Turtle. I was confused about that and am super glad I had you clear it all up for me.


Seriously. I love this kid.

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{ cake: hole in one }

In keeping with the whole Father's Day theme, I decided to make a golf course cake for dessert for my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law when they came to visit on Monday. 

I started with two 8" round cakes, baked and cooled completely. Mine are vanilla with a hint of Bailey's Irish Cream. I just subbed in about 1/4 cup for some of the milk in my recipe. You can use any flavor cake you want. 

I leveled the two layers of the cake and decided the filling would be chocolate. Just for fun.

I spread the frosting on the top of one layer, keeping about 1/4" from the edges.

And then I placed the second layer on top, pressing down gently. (Just a tip. I try to always put the cut sides together. It makes for less crumb potential when you are frosting the top.)

Cover and chill for a few hours or overnight. We went to lunch and played a round of mini golf while the chilling occurred. 


I cut rough templates for the fairway and the water hazard out of white paper, just for an idea of how things would place out.


I tinted about 2 cups of vanilla buttercream with leaf green gel coloring and got to work, covering the entire cake as smoothly as possible.

Don't worry. It doesn't have to be perfect. We're not done yet.

I happened to have some pre-colored green fondant leftover from another project. You can either use pre-colored, tint your own white fondant, or skip this step entirely. It's up to you. Using my fondant cutter, I trimmed out the shape of the fairway from my template.

And placed it on top of the cake.

If you opt to not use fondant for this step, you can create a fairway by using extra green frosting, tinting it even darker, and outlining/filling a similar shape. It won't be as dramatic a difference, but it will work.


Next up? The water hazard. I used the turquoise liquid color from the McCormick neon food coloring package. Fit a pastry bag or plastic storage bag with a coupler and round tip (#3 or 4 should do the trick) and scoop in your blue frosting. If you don't have decorating tips, just cut a tiny v-shape (maybe 1/16" on each side) in the corner of the bag for a similar effect.

Pipe the outline of the water hazard wherever you want it.

And then, carefully fill in the water hazard, using gentle pressure and a swirling motion. 

Now, for the "rough."

Put the rest of the green frosting in a ziploc bag, fitted with a coupler and a 233 (multi-opening decorating tip.)

Using gentle pressure, squeeze, pull and release the piping bag to create a grass-like texture. Repeat as necessary.

On to the sand trap. Put a few graham crackers in a ziploc bag, being sure to squeeze all the air out. Very carefully, use a rolling pin to crush the cookies into fine crumbs. Voila! Sand!

Use a spoon to gently place your sand trap.

And pat the crumbs into place.

We're almost there. Fill in a little bit more of the "rough."

And let's move to the base of the cake. I switched the tip on the bag of green frosting to a small round one, like so.

Proceed to pipe small beads around the base of the cake, simply by gently squeezing, pushing in and releasing the piping bag.

Roll a small ball out of white fondant and skewer on the end of a toothpick.

Insert into the cake at some point on the green fondant.

Fold a piece of cardstock/construction paper in half and cut a flag shape along the fold. 

Use a marker to write a number on it (in this case, 18), and glue around a toothpick or lollipop stick.

Insert into green fondant near the golf ball.

And your golf course cake is ready to eat.

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{ guest post on postcards from parenthood }

So thanks to mommy brain and a constant whirlwind of activity around the house, I totally forgot I had a post scheduled on the brilliant Eliza's blog, Postcards from Parenthood.

I love Eliza. She's an incredible mom to the most ridiculously cute little girl, Teva. She's sassy and smart and funny, and I know that if we lived closer to each other, we would regularly be getting together for playdates. And wine and cupcake dates.

Confession? When I started blogging for realsies, Eliza's was one of the first I started regularly visiting and possibly crushing on. I know you'll be hooked, too.


So pay a visit, and read all about how I heartily endorse Eliza's vacation this week, and why I should take some more time for myself. Strike that.


Why we ALL should take some more time for ourselves.


Happy Thursday!

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{ a family affair }

The last two days, we hosted MacGyver's dad, his stepmom and his stepmom's grandson, J.

It was cool to get to celebrate an extended Father's Day, too.

Pop Pop and Grandma were looking well, having just left Disney World with two of MacGyver's brothers and their families. Who are incidentally coming to visit us on Thursday and Friday this week. 

It's a MacGyver Family Extravaganza!


The good news is that we both lucked out with in-laws, so it's all cool.


Turtle loved the extra time spent with his grandparents. They absolutely shower him with love and attention, and he eats it up. 


We went out to dinner at Red Lobster last night, per J's begging request. I don't know what it is about tweens and Red Lobster. All I'm saying is that their Triple Berry Sangrias are mighty tasty.


I will confess. I was nervous. We didn't get there until about 6:20. Turtle's bedtime is anywhere between 6 and 6:30. He had taken a very short nap and was exhibiting lots of signs of tiredness.


Perhaps I as more scared than nervous.


But Turtle was a rockstar. After a rather insistent "I no wanna see lobsters today", he settled right on down.

There were a few moments. When he told our server (who, fortunately, had a little boy of her own) to "Go get milk, please!" and "Go get macaroni and cheese, please!" And when he reached out his hand to J and declared "Can I have that?" when J was savoring the maraschino cherries from his Shirley Temple.

Mad props to J for sharing, too.


Turtle's first Red Lobster experience, with J in the background.

This morning, the boys collaborated on cooking breakfast.

And I just want to share something very special: three generations, all together.

By the way. Do you see that? That's a flag. Just in case you didn't know.

Turtle's helpful that way.


(And, yes. That is cake at the breakfast table. Don't ask.)


Thanks for a wonderful visit! We love you lots!

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{ happy birthday to my mom }

I hope you will all join me in wishing a very Happy and special birthday to one of my very best friends.


My mom.

She is truly a wonderful mom and a phenomenal grandmother. 


Always there for support and guidance, for lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Through all our rough times (and believe me, there were) and all the good times.


I definitely got lucky when moms were being handed out. I hope she feels the same about her luck in daughters.


I only wish we lived closer so we could share the day with her. 


Happy Birthday, Mom! Sending lots and lots of love! We hope you enjoy your special day and we miss you so much!

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{ birthday party montage }

Between the last two Saturdays, we attended three awesome and fun birthday parties, for some super cool kids.

I'm going to provide a montage of the highlights. There's too much cuteness for words.

First up, the pony party for C's third birthday. Can I tell you? This was so cool. It was held at a little ranch that specializes in parties. They do pony rides, hay rides, and have all kinds of horses (mini and regular) and bunnies that you can feed and pet. Also? I got to wear my cowboy hat. Win.

Next? Choo choo, B turned two! Wheee! B's mommy and daddy rented a super cool train for the kiddies to ride. And there was a Thomas cake. So adorable! Turtle wasn't too sure of the train, but he had a blast otherwise.

And last, but certainly not least, A's 3rd birthday party at this really fantastic park. We were dreadfully late, due to bad Google maps directions, but one of the party guests saved the day ("look for the manatee mailbox, pass the paved road, go across the creek and if you hit the Kangaroo, you've gone too far.") and we got there in time to celebrate!

 Whew! And yes, Turtle was riding a cake high for hours. He loved every second of it.


Happy birthday to all our little friends! Thanks so much for having us!

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